I'm about to admit something awful - today I sat around all day and watched television. From the time I woke up (which was at 1, mind you) to the current hour, I've been sitting in front of the television. Worse than that, having nothing to do has left me to my own thoughts. My mind is often a tumultuous place. When I have too much time to think and dwell, it often results in me focusing on something I probably shouldn't be. Today my impatience got the best of me. Sometimes I can't stand the fact that people are married, and I'm not one of them! I know that sounds so silly, but being with the person you want to marry makes it that much harder to see others enjoying married life.

However, I know that God's path for my life is headed down that direction but isn't there yet. With that knowledge, I take peace in knowing that this is where God wants me to be right now. And when I really think about, I am totally and completely not ready for marriage right now. I am in love with Brad and enjoy all of my time with him, but financially and emotionally, I know that I am not mature enough for that yet. My prayer now is that God would help me to see the privileges of an unmarried life and to take full pleasure in those. Sometimes when I see happy newlyweds, I wish I were someone's wife, too, but when it comes down to it, that woman is a SEPARATE person from me. What works for her may not work for me, and their predestined path is unique, as is mine.

Sorry for the rambling. "Idle hands are the devil's playground" ... and in my case, an idle and bored mind. I am praying, and I know my Father will hear that prayer.